Processing

Tomorrow is the first time we'll give a presentation about our Korean experience. We have the safety net of a powerpoint, (I think...I hope) but I'll be doing one in the future where the familiar routine of 'see picture, talk about picture, next slide' is not an option. For me, and my motormouth that attempts to keep up with my mile-a-minute mind, that means sorting out my thoughts about the trip. And while the day trips, host families, food and cultural experiences we'll talk about at these presentations is one thing, there's also the whole personal experience of the trip that I haven't put in words yet. Particularly the whole getting married, being married for a month, then leaving for a month thing.
I get a lot of questions about that, and my answers usually revolve around the hubby's reaction. He was incredibly supportive of me, through the application process, and everything else that came before me leaving. He encouraged me to go--until I got there, then he encouraged me to come back because he missed me. This is an example of why I married him, he's always considering what's best for me, even when it's not really what he would want. He knew it was a once-in-a-lifetime chance, and I wanted to go, so he wanted me to go.
Why I wanted to go is complicated. Of course it was exciting--Korea?!?! for a month!!? and I don't even have to pay for a plane ticket? Where do I sign up? However, there was another force, not as strong as the wanderlust, but sitting the the back of my mind nonetheless. I'd be a married woman when I left, but that didn't have to mean I wasn't that highly independent person who could up and leave her regular life to go traipse around the globe--right? I'd done it before (twice!) and why should this time be any different? I'm still that person, and nothing should change that--not even marriage--right?
Well, yes and no. The part of me that wants to see everywhere is still there, ready to tackle the next big adventure. But since my last two trips, there's a new part of me, the one that decided to connect itself (and all those other parts I've got hanging around) to another person. I missed that little bit of co-dependence we've developed. I wanted to be sharing all of these new, wonderful (and some not-so-wonderful) experiences with him--something not easily done with spotty internet connections and a 13-hour time difference.
It wasn't all bad of course, the separation from the hubby and all the rest of real life allowed me to form deeper connections with my team members, since we were all in the same boat and could only turn to each other. It's not something I'm looking to do again anytime soon, and I'm not sure I'd recommend it to any newlyweds. I don't know that I'd dissuade any newlyweds either. Being away for so long taught me as much about marriage (or my marriage at least) as it did about Korea. It's more that just a sum of it's parts, it's not just the big stuff, or the little day to day stuff, or anything in the middle. There's a person who I want to spend the rest of my life with, and if that means I don't pack up and leave for a month at a time anymore with out taking my person, I think that's a fair trade. I don't think the trip really changed our marriage, just how I see it. It's not something that's going to hold me back (and yes, this is a fear I had even as I was preparing to get married, which may have influenced that whole 'I'm independent, I'm going to Korea' thought loop in my mind), but something I am now prepared to participate in fully, with no 'what-ifs'. I like that.